6/19 Dads

Written on June 19, 2010

My kids with some of their cousins at our family cabin (circa '99)

Happy Fathers Day! ...As I sit at my desk 8000+ miles away from the kids...here's one for all the knucklehead dads like me. I know I am not alone in this but it occurred to me in a recent exchange with my sister-in-law, that I have been scared as a dad much of the time. Perhaps afraid the kids would be deviants like I was. Perhaps afraid of my own temper or afraid of all that I saw going on in their lives, our friends, our families or those around us. It would have been nice to not be so fearful, but I like how its turning out. Always the worrier, much more than the warrior the world wanted of me, maybe being just fearful enough to be careful is a good thing. Maybe there is a secret in there for us dads. Though our children are a weighty matter of eternal significance and worthy of a measure of gravity, it is never irredeemable for ultimately our lips can form the words "I am so sorry" and, I believe, they are in the hands of a loving creator. Though being scared may have kept me more careful and tentative than my natural impulsive tendencies would have, I have still taken things to the edge with all of them at one point or another or they have witnessed me there with one of their siblings. Working too much, blowing up, ranting, being lazy around the house, railing, proclaiming idiocies loudly, moronically, stupidly, angrily...and in the end...trying to apologize fast… because I did not want to "SCREW THEM UP". They are not perfect (sometimes because they sound or act way too much like me) but they are a blessing to me, to Jodi, to each other (and it appears to me) to those around them. I am really fond of our daughters and our son I am very proud of them today. So, again, Happy Father's Day dads and sons and don’t forget the old men that weighed in carefully in your life today. All the best, Leon